I am sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well lately. However, I have some news that might cheer you up! Last night, my wife and I did something that we haven’t done in a long time. No, not that, you pervert. Ahem… we drove our car. Furthermore, we bought gas.
I only mention this because it’s such a rare thing for us to do. You see, my wife and I live in a glorious little town with excellent public transportation. We also make great use of our glorious little bicycles. As a result, we only buy gas every few months. Before last night, the last time we bought gas was in early June.
We only drove our car because we went out to eat at a glorious little restaurant. You’d like it. It’s a local place, middle-eastern cuisine. It’s popular in our town for its uniqueness, attractive prices, and delicious food. The Greek/Turkish coffee is amazing!
We chose to eat there for two reasons: 1) We like supporting local places instead of big chains, and 2) we have a discount diner’s card that gave us a free meal with the purchase of another meal. We had two regular meals and coffee for a grand total of $13.
I realize that in order to make you feel the tiniest fraction better, I should have paid full price instead of using the discount card. Sorry about that. However, if it’s any consolation to you, I DID pay with a credit card!
Except… the credit card that I use gives me 5% back at restaurants. Except… I pay my bill in full every month. Again, I realize that I should give you a little boost by paying minimum balances, but I just can’t seem to help myself. Apologies.
Come to think of it, I doubt any of the dozens of sign-up offers I’ve taken advantage of in the last couple of years helped you at all, have they? Sure, those extra thousands of dollars in side income came in handy, but I bet they helped ME a lot more than they helped you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I somehow feel the tiniest-bit responsible for your current malady. Instead of being foolish with my money, I save. Instead of making impulse purchases, I resist. Instead of driving a gas guzzler, I bike. Instead of going out to eat every day, we cook at home. Heck, I’m even earning interest on my “economic stimulus” check! Have I made my point?
For all of these responsible acts, I apologize. I should have had your best interests at heart instead of my own. Only then, I might ask, would you be willing to give me a personal bailout?
Get well soon! I assure you that I’m doing my best to get you back on track, even if my best is only one tank of gas a quarter.
Wishing you a speedy recovery,